The Complexity Within our Relationships

Have you ever felt like the only reason you had to retake the SAT 6 times, the ACT 4, and stay up until 3 in the morning studying for them was for your parents' own satisfaction? What about competing on a sports team when you have no athletic abilities? Not only do you feel you have to partake in these activities and rigorous academics because of your parents, but what about society? Society's expectations? And others around you? There are so many outside factors that influence every single one of our behaviors, and how those behaviors affect our relationships can result in either negative or positive outcomes in life. In familial households parental expectations portrayed in Death of a Salesman along with societal norms and conformity repeated throughout the movie Little Miss Sunshine show both consequently negative and positive effects on the growth of a healthy parent -child relationship and children's relationships throughout their life. 

In Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman, the play reveals the tragedy that can occur in parent-child relationships when both parties have unfulfilled expectations and dreams, ultimately resulting in their emotional demise. All men are said to have this “idea of family” that stems from a “sense of identity and honor” which they are supposed to relay to their children, for them too relay to their children (Jacobson). Because Willy Loman, the father figure in Death of a Salesman, cannot seem to find his own “identity” or be at one with himself, he places the immense pressure to succeed that he could never seem to overcome, onto his sons. Willy's pressure causes Biff, his oldest son, to become disillusioned and resentful, which ultimately leads to their relationship deteriorating. This kind of pressure in a household reflects in later relationships that kids learn to form in their life. 

This "impulse” Willy has to find his so-called “authentic self”, which he has failed to do, is the same sort of impulse he wants his sons to feel to be successful both in life and in sports as well (Otten). 

What makes this play classified as a “modern tragedy”, according to the article titled “Death of a Salesman’ at fifty - still ‘coming home to roost’, is the downfall of a family, due to the pressure from parents. Although it may not be a Shakespeare tragedy like we are used to reading in our AP English class, the falling apart of a family is not what I would necessarily call a story with a happy ending. 

Excessive pressure from parents can lead to a breakdown of relationships within a family, as well as cause individuals to lose sight of their own wants and needs, ultimately leading to the downfall of the family dynamic.

The film 'Little Miss Sunshine' highlights the damaging effects of societal pressure to conform, and the detrimental impact it can have on individuals and families, as they desperately try to meet unrealistic expectations and ideals.

In the film, Olive, the 9-year-old girl who is competing in beauty pageants, experiences first-hand stereotypes of what it's like to be a young girl growing up in America. 

And, as a girl having lived in Michigan my entire life, been in school with the same girls, and having pretty much the same friend group throughout elementary, middle, and now, high school, I can confirm these stereotypes and expectations are real, and they are intense. 

What makes Kim Kardashian so powerful? Her unrealistic and flawless traits. These are single-handedly the reason she has over 340 million followers on Instagram. Not to say she has no real talent, but isn’t it detrimental to girls all over the world trying to feel confident in their own skin, when these very people are praised all over the world because they have never known what it's like to have a bright red pimple in the middle of your forehead? Why do so many of us feel the need to change everything about ourselves in order to be considered good enough or, better yet, “popular?” Not to say I’m not guilty of this, because you would be lying if you said you had never looked at a picture of a model or anyone you think is perfect and thought, “I wish I looked like that.” 

At such a young age, Olive is put into these pageants that hold unreachable beauty standards. And although these pageants for the “perfect” women of today's age are directly correlated with mental health issues and self-esteem problems, a valuable lesson is to be learned among all of this. 

In an article published around the time of the release of the film, expert critic James Grieve argued, “sorrow and suffering as being much more profitable than other inner experiences”, in that they leave humans strong-willed (Henig). What makes these sorrows meaningful is the lesson they provide us with, which is a sense of respect for not only ourselves but for others as well. 

These expectations that society holds us to help shape us into stronger people and show us our worth, and what we are deserving of. This is something that so many of us fail to see importance in, but it prepares us for relationships, whether it’s with friends or with a love interest, and for what we deserve in these relationships.

So you may be wondering, why is it important for us to understand the mental suffering caused by societal expectations and our own parents? 

It is important we address and understand these extreme pressures we all feel that we are under at some point in life to be able to understand what TO and what NOT to take out of them. 

What NOT to take out of them would be any hatred for your parents, because no matter how hard they push you, they are still your parents. They do a lot for us, whether we are aware of it or not, their unconditional love is what brought us into this world, therefore it is important to always keep that in mind and keep some sense of gratefulness within you for them.

Another thing NOT to take out of this would be feeling invalidated. All of this stress and pressure, no matter where it comes from. Is completely normal to feel, especially as a high school student. I think most of us can admit that especially during peak college admissions time, it is normal to feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do the things we are supposed, or have to do. However, learning how to redirect these feelings and take away a more beneficial lesson from them is what I’m trying to accomplish here. 

What TO take out of this could be a few things 

1. There is value in all suffering. In the wise words of Kelly Clarkston, “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger.” If you have never heard the song, give it a quick listen. It may sound dumb, but the lesson it is trying to teach is the same as the one here, with all suffering reveals a stronger, healthier, recovered version of ourselves. 

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

2. Pressure is expected. At some point in your life, maybe later in a job, you are going to be put under some sort of pressure. Now, learning how to not only perform well under pressure but maintain a healthy relationship with YOURSELF first, and those around you is equally as important. 

3. How does this affect our relationships? Not only can a parent putting pressure on us alter a relationship for the bad, but there are positive sides to it as I've discussed. Being put in such stressful situations, we are able to build character and learn things not only about ourselves but about others around us. Outside pressure from society, while it can be tough to deal with, also strengthens us and teaches us to respect ourselves and those around us, which we can take into relationships in the future.

In both the play "Death of a Salesman" and the movie "Little Miss Sunshine," the relationship between parents and their children is portrayed in different ways. "Death of a Salesman" depicts the strained relationship between Willy Loman and his sons Biff and Happy. Willy, a failed salesman, places unrealistic expectations on his sons and is unable to understand their true aspirations. On the other hand, "Little Miss Sunshine" portrays a family going through a hard time, with a daughter trying to fit into a certain image the other girls around her portray, but they still find a way to support and rely on each other. This type of support and love is necessary in order to form healthy relationships throughout life. It is important that we learn about healthy relationship dynamics and what can affect these connections we form with others early on in life, as this can help us to build better relationships, and to be better equipped to navigate the challenges of growing up. Overall, understanding these healthy relationships is important to help navigate life and achieve success.

Works Cited

Henig, Samantha. "Little Miss Sunshine." The Chronicle of Higher Education, vol. 53, no. 4, 15 Sept. 2006. Gale Academic OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A151263865/AONE?u=lom_troyhs&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=666ec3d5. Accessed 8 Jan. 2023.

 

Jacobson, Irving. "Family Dreams in Death of a Salesman." American Literature, vol. 47, no. 2, 1975, pp. 247-58. JSTOR, https://doi.org/10.2307/2925484. Accessed 8 Jan. 2023.

 

Otten, Terry. "'Death of a Salesman' at fifty - still 'coming home to roost.'" Texas Studies in Literature and Language, vol. 41, no. 3, fall 1999, p. 280+. Gale Academic OneFile, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A55610639/AONE?u=lom_troyhs&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=120eaa90. Accessed 8 Jan. 2023.